The Intentional Blog.

Cruise Control Freak

For a long time, I existed in some netherregion between control freak and cruise control. I’ve spent the better part of the last year shedding both of those qualities. Or at least learning how to leverage them in a way that doesn’t induce an aneurism.

If I believed in types, I’d be Type A. Not in the anal-retentive-overly-organized way but, mostly, in the time-urgent way. While I hate making *plans* I like considering all my options then hurry-up-i-gotta-do-stuff-now-go.

At least, I thought I was considering all my options. Imagine my surprise when I realized that I truly had no interest in becoming a physician in the modern iteration of physicianhood. What should i do? Certainly, I am a trained scientist. Ther was that. Or I could write. I could work in healthcare in some other capacity. I had a moment, forced by sheer frustration, where I realized I had never stopped to let myself really day dream about what I should be when I grew up…or even what I should be doing next Tuesday. I was on cruise control; I had turned my brain off of a (vast majority) of possibility. In retrospect, this was because it was too daunting a task for me to consider everything. So I subconsciously shepherded myself to a finite list of things.

Why do you care? Because if you’re not happy, chances are you might be doing the same thing. I had the true pleasure of having a good group of friends who actually trust my advice. Maybe it’s the spectre of political and social unrest, maybe it’s the change of seasons, maybe they’ve been un(der)-employed for a while but it seems that, lately, the people around me are getting antsy.

Some thoughts:

What’s stopping you? This isn’t some flippant, dismissive, fuck-all-do-what-you-want sentiment. It’s just that sometimes, people don’t realize how little is stopping them from doing something different. Sometimes, it’s just good, old-fashioned self-sabotage.
Constant thought and questioning is a beautiful thing but it is ultimately useless if you bring a lot of preconceived notion to a discussion. Don’t be too much of a control freak to entertain a new set of possibilities at any and all times necessary.
The only way to uncover your abilities is to fucking test them. Try things. Lots and lots of things. You will not be good at everything. You will try things and suck. You will try things and suck and then get better. Things will stick and the rest of the bullshit will cease to matter. But if you never ask the question, “What if I….” Whether it’s between you and anothe person or some idea you bounce off of your cat/dog/hamster at 3 a.m. when you can’t sleep, these conversations need to happen with a sense of nearly unlimited possibility. [Sorry 5’4” dude, you probably can’t be an NBA point guard…unless you can jump. Really high.] You’ll probably look like an idiot a couple times. It’s worth it.
You might not end up where you imagine, but I’m pretty sure that as long as heroin isn’t involved, you’ll end up where you’re meant to be. Even if it’s a surprise to everyone including you, it’ll be a wonderful. fucking. surprise.*

At the risk of being an asshole, I am going to quote Ayn Rand:

The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.

Now go make something cool and report back.

*Why yes, I did get a job and life in Los Angeles, even though 6 weeks ago I would have sworn on my grandfather’s grave that I’d be fully entrenched in San Francisco by now. Just go with it.